James 3:2

NIV: We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

The Message: And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you'd have a perfect person, in perfect control of life.

How many times do we open our mouths and say the first thing that comes into our head? Or maybe just speak without even thinking? Sometimes, a little forethought, a pause before

We speak would save numerous arguments, disagreements and misunderstandings. There is an old saying that it is better to keep quiet and have people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them right.

We can use our speech to gossip, mock others, put people down, chastise and rebuke, boast, complain, exaggerate, denigrate, flatter, manipulate. We can also use our speech to praise, to worship, to lift others up, give credit, honour, love. Greg Laurie, senior pastor of Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside, CA has the following to say about the things we say:

A helpful acronym that you can use when wondering if you should spread a certain piece of information is T.H.I.N.K. Ask yourself the following questions:

T – Is it true? In other words, this thing that you have heard about someone else, is this accurate information? Or is it just gossip or something someone heard about someone else.

Have you ever had anyone tell a lie about you? How did that make you feel?

How about someone gossiping about you? The very word “gossip” just hisses. Gosssssssip! Remember, Satan is the Father of lies.

We are far too ready to pass on information before verifying if it is true or not.

H-Is it Helpful? Will sharing this information be helpful to the other person?

I- Is it Inspiring? That is clear enough.

N- Is it Necessary? Do we really need to spread this information?

K– Is it Kind? Pretty clear there.

You might say, “Greg, if I applied that T.H.I.N.K. acronym to what I said about others, I would hardly speak at all!” Ah! Perhaps that’s not such a bad idea?

(Taken from http://blog.greglaurie.com/?p=2990 )

If we all took a little time to think before we spoke, a lot of grief would be avoided. But the thing is, it is so easy to come back with a quick off the cuff response, a snappy answer to let someone know how hurt we are, how angry, or whatever. It is often easy to just say the first thing that comes into our head than it is to stop and take a few seconds to really think whether or not we should be saying those words. And what about the interesting piece of news we heard? Surely we should be letting others know exactly what is going on, how a friend, neighbour, acquaintance, did such and such and what happened to them as a result?

Well, James is telling us here that if we can control our speech, than we would be the perfect man (or woman) and able to keep perfect control over our lives. That means we should not be gossiping, spreading rumours and innuendoes, talking about others behind their backs, putting people down through the things we say, lying, flattering, using the things we say to twist and manipulate others to get what we want.

I reckon that the tongue is a reflection of who we are, it’s the outward manifestation of the inner person. What you are will come in out in the things you say. Yes, you may be able to fool many people most of the time, but if you are really mean, nasty and horrible inside, then it will be evident (maybe only occasionally) in the things you say. Similarly, if you are kind hearted, warm, generous, then that too will be reflected in your speech. Of course, we all say some pretty awful things at times. You only have to look back at arguments you have had and how you say things in the heat of the moment that you would never dream of saying otherwise, but you just retaliate and say the first hurtful thing you can. Then again, people can put up a good front and pretend to be warm hearted and generous, saying one thing and thinking something completely different, their whole life being a lie.

You can't control what others say but you can control what you say. I've learnt (well, I'm still learning, to be honest) to stop and think before I speak. It's not always easy to do this and many times I have to literally bite my tongue to stop retaliating with equally hurtful or angry words. Then when it comes to "news" (i.e. gossip) about others, there again it is a case of not knowing the full facts, not knowing what that person is going through, the things that have happened to them to bring them to that point, the reasons why they made that decision or choice, did or said whatever. So how can you pass on interesting snippets when you may completely have the wrong picture?

We may not be able to control what others are saying, but we can certainly think before we speak and control what we say.